Whenever we sit in the tension of doubt and unsureness, it is our human nature to rush to make everything as comfortably certain as possible. To sit with insecurity, instability, and anxiety without attempting to solve any of it is as inhuman as resisting belly-hurting laughter when watching your favorite comedian. It’s not what we do. When we are uncomfortable, we seek comfort as fast as humanly possible, not ceasing until comfort has been found.
I really appreciate this. I think we often hear "successful" people say "it didn't always look like this," but that doesn't always take away the sting of feeling like we're grinding and getting nowhere.
The family piece hits home now that my 8-month-old is here.
To answer your final question, I'm curious what makes you feel delight, joy, pleasure, loved, held, at peace...what does being free look like for you? Could you "quit" for a few months to pursue those things and get back to us?
I’m learning that I need to figure these things out for myself, for sure. My therapist certainly picked up on this. Am I creating from a place of delight, peace, love, and joy? I’m working on discovering the answer.
The amount of vulnerability in this piece is truly commendable and something I'm sure did not happen easily so thank you for writing this and for being honest in a time of mass insincerity. I've definitely felt the way you did when I first started writing on Substack as I was essentially starting from scratch again (after 10 years in the game and a reasonable amount of success in the Twitter / before X era). However, what helps me find comfort in this current phase of the journey is I know that what I'm writing now is for my own peace of mind regardless of whether it's 'successful or not'. Hopefully the following words will help in your journey as well:
"You'll never have enough success, if success is what you seek. You'll always be reaching. And I realize that if you're trying to attain something that's unattainable, you will never be happy. You will always be in a pattern of temporary happiness and satisfaction...I gotta base my happiness on what I have. Which is the people I have in my life, the love I have in my life, the – just the moments I have. You know, the simplest things." - J. Cole
Thank you for sharing. Such a good quote from a talented artist. I’m learning that it’s not truly “success” that I seek, but evidence that my work is making a difference, that it is good, needed work. I must remember that as long as I am writing the words I feel called/led to write, that’s all that matters. As long as I am writing and creating from my soul, the rest does not matter.
I appreciate your vulnerability! It definitely resonates with me. You are a great writer. This post made me purchase your book. It’s rare in the help space to see ppl talking about all sides of success in this way. I hope you know your voice is needed. Also I noticed you are a fellow Howard alum. 💙❤️Super excited to continue following your work.
Hello, fellow Bison! It is so good to meet you. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I truly needed to hear them. And thank you so much for purchasing my book. I hope you love it! I’d love to hear your thoughts when you read it! Also just subscribed to your publication. I can already tell that your work is fire.
I think working and also home educating is simply so so hard. You are asking a lot of yourself right now!! Personally I’ve followed you on IG for a few years now and subsequently on here, and I love your work and have learned a lot from you. I appreciate your honesty, it is super tough to feel like there is no momentum in what we do.
ooof. I appreciate your vulnerability here. I think so many of us feel lost. Trying to balance feeling like we have purpose with also being able to support ourselves and family. No feedback, I loved your book and think its incredibly important. Thank you for being real in this space.
I’ve been in the blogging world for seven years now. I’ve seen others make far more money and far surpass my success. But recently (especially after algorithm updates have negatively impacted my traffic and income) I’ve had to rest in being “good enough”. Remind myself that years ago, making $500 a month felt like an out of reach dream. I’m trying to rest in my own “enoughness”, trusting that doors and windows will open when it’s time to pivot to something new. I’m also home educating five kids, and that takes a lot of my energy right now.
Thank you for allowing us to witness you in your doubt, unsureness, and deep sadness. Your vulnerability is palpable. I’m curious to know how you define success outside of external things like sales and feedback. Of course material needs are REAL and rent isn’t paid in hugs but, I’d love to hear what sets you on fire already as it might be the starting/pivot point you’re looking for. Much success to you.
I feel like you sat in on...ALLLLL my therapy sessions! I sit there and literally say "I just want to be good at SOMEthing!" (and as a 44 year old this is a particularly disheartening train of thought). The first post of yours I read made me know I would ultimately happily pay to follow your writings. Thank you for sharing yourself and for sharing this particularly hard line of thinking that so many of us struggle with. This internet stranger felt like I got a giant hug reading. thank you!
Oof! It always feels good, but equally sad that there are many of us who feel these things. Because, none of us deserve to feel them. We deserve better. We deserve for our work and our desire to come to fruition. Thank you for being here and thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for believing in me and my work, for feeling that it is worth it. There aren’t many people who feel this way and the few that do keep me going. I’m glad to have given you a giant hug. We all need them.
I really appreciate this. I think we often hear "successful" people say "it didn't always look like this," but that doesn't always take away the sting of feeling like we're grinding and getting nowhere.
The family piece hits home now that my 8-month-old is here.
To answer your final question, I'm curious what makes you feel delight, joy, pleasure, loved, held, at peace...what does being free look like for you? Could you "quit" for a few months to pursue those things and get back to us?
I’m learning that I need to figure these things out for myself, for sure. My therapist certainly picked up on this. Am I creating from a place of delight, peace, love, and joy? I’m working on discovering the answer.
The amount of vulnerability in this piece is truly commendable and something I'm sure did not happen easily so thank you for writing this and for being honest in a time of mass insincerity. I've definitely felt the way you did when I first started writing on Substack as I was essentially starting from scratch again (after 10 years in the game and a reasonable amount of success in the Twitter / before X era). However, what helps me find comfort in this current phase of the journey is I know that what I'm writing now is for my own peace of mind regardless of whether it's 'successful or not'. Hopefully the following words will help in your journey as well:
"You'll never have enough success, if success is what you seek. You'll always be reaching. And I realize that if you're trying to attain something that's unattainable, you will never be happy. You will always be in a pattern of temporary happiness and satisfaction...I gotta base my happiness on what I have. Which is the people I have in my life, the love I have in my life, the – just the moments I have. You know, the simplest things." - J. Cole
Thank you for sharing. Such a good quote from a talented artist. I’m learning that it’s not truly “success” that I seek, but evidence that my work is making a difference, that it is good, needed work. I must remember that as long as I am writing the words I feel called/led to write, that’s all that matters. As long as I am writing and creating from my soul, the rest does not matter.
I appreciate your vulnerability! It definitely resonates with me. You are a great writer. This post made me purchase your book. It’s rare in the help space to see ppl talking about all sides of success in this way. I hope you know your voice is needed. Also I noticed you are a fellow Howard alum. 💙❤️Super excited to continue following your work.
Hello, fellow Bison! It is so good to meet you. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I truly needed to hear them. And thank you so much for purchasing my book. I hope you love it! I’d love to hear your thoughts when you read it! Also just subscribed to your publication. I can already tell that your work is fire.
Thank you Caroline! I appreciate your support in return.
thank you for sharing
I think working and also home educating is simply so so hard. You are asking a lot of yourself right now!! Personally I’ve followed you on IG for a few years now and subsequently on here, and I love your work and have learned a lot from you. I appreciate your honesty, it is super tough to feel like there is no momentum in what we do.
Thank you for affirming these feelings, Fran. Always appreciate you.
ooof. I appreciate your vulnerability here. I think so many of us feel lost. Trying to balance feeling like we have purpose with also being able to support ourselves and family. No feedback, I loved your book and think its incredibly important. Thank you for being real in this space.
Thank YOU for being real on this space, too. Appreciate you tremendously.
I’ve been in the blogging world for seven years now. I’ve seen others make far more money and far surpass my success. But recently (especially after algorithm updates have negatively impacted my traffic and income) I’ve had to rest in being “good enough”. Remind myself that years ago, making $500 a month felt like an out of reach dream. I’m trying to rest in my own “enoughness”, trusting that doors and windows will open when it’s time to pivot to something new. I’m also home educating five kids, and that takes a lot of my energy right now.
This is one of my favorite articles of all time that I come back to again and again: https://nosidebar.com/mediocre-life/
Thanks for being vulnerable! No words of advice for moving forward, but hang in there! ❤️
Thank you for allowing us to witness you in your doubt, unsureness, and deep sadness. Your vulnerability is palpable. I’m curious to know how you define success outside of external things like sales and feedback. Of course material needs are REAL and rent isn’t paid in hugs but, I’d love to hear what sets you on fire already as it might be the starting/pivot point you’re looking for. Much success to you.
I feel like you sat in on...ALLLLL my therapy sessions! I sit there and literally say "I just want to be good at SOMEthing!" (and as a 44 year old this is a particularly disheartening train of thought). The first post of yours I read made me know I would ultimately happily pay to follow your writings. Thank you for sharing yourself and for sharing this particularly hard line of thinking that so many of us struggle with. This internet stranger felt like I got a giant hug reading. thank you!
Oof! It always feels good, but equally sad that there are many of us who feel these things. Because, none of us deserve to feel them. We deserve better. We deserve for our work and our desire to come to fruition. Thank you for being here and thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for believing in me and my work, for feeling that it is worth it. There aren’t many people who feel this way and the few that do keep me going. I’m glad to have given you a giant hug. We all need them.